I have a friend who really have interesting blogs of his own, like to share his wisdom, knowledge and some funny jokes and nice stories... This is one of them, I'm sure maybe some of you have received it via email.. but for those who never read before I'm sure it will bring smile to yr face..
Just after dinner one night, my son came running to tell me there was something wrong with one of the two lizards he has in his room
"He's just lying there looking sick. can you help?" I put my best lizard-healer statement on my face and followed him upstairs into his bedroom.
One of the little lizards was indeed lying on it's back, looking stressed. I immediately new what to do.
"Honey" I called, "Come look at the lizard!"
"Oh my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies."
"What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"
I was equally outraged. "How can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce" I accused my wife.
"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage" she inquired. (actually I think she said this sarcastically!)
"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together).
"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.
"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she informed me, (again with sarcasm,you think)
By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on.
I shrugged deciding to make the best of it
"Kids this is going to be a wondrous experience"
I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of birth."
"Oh gross!" they shrieked.
We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.
"We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted.
"It's a breach." my wife whispered .. horrified !
"Do something dad" my son urged.
Okay, okay." squeamishly. I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. ...
It disappeared. I tried several times more with the same results.
"Should I call 911" my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they could talk you through
the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?" "Let's get Ernie to the vet,"
I said grimly)
The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal
through a magnifying glass
"What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically.
"Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr and Mrs Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment."
I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.
"Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked,
"Oh perfectly," the vet assured us, "This lizard is not in labour, in fact that isn't EVER going to
happen...Ernie is a boy. You see Ernie is a young male species, they um.....um.... masturbate.
Just the way he did, lying on his back."
He blushed, glancing at my wife. "Well you know what I'm saying Mr. Cameron
We were silent absorbing this.
"So, Ernie's just....just excited," my wife offered "Exactly" the vet replied,
relieved that we understood. More silence, then my cruel wife started to giggle. And
giggle. And then even laugh loudly.
"What's so funny" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.
Tears were now running down her face. Laughing "It's just...that...I'm picturing you pulling on it's... ....it's....teeny weeney little..." she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.
"That's enough" I warned. We thanked the vet and hurriedly bundled the lizard and our son back into the car.
"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done dad" he told me.
"Oh you have NO idea" I closed my mouth, my wife agreed collapsing with laughter.
2 lizards $140...
1 cage $50.....
Trip to the vet £30
Memory of my husband pulling on a Lizard's winkie.....Priceless.
Moral of the story - finish biology class -Lizards lay eggs.
